Thursday, January 8, 2015

I Made a Star Wars Reference

Ok so it's cold. And I'm lucky. I "had" to go out to my friends birthday party and I was pissy cause it was at a bar I don't like and cause I work early tomorrow. I'm a selfish piece of crap.

As I left I was approached by a guy that asked for anything I could spare, all I had was $20. I gave it to him. He was shocked. He kissed my hand twice. I said bless you brother. All I saw was my drug addled, freezing brother when I was a kid. I have no doubt that instead of using it to fnd a way to his mothers house that it became something he used to snort or shoot, but I'm almost always wrong and I hope I am in this situation.

I guess this hits me hard cause of my New Years resolution or epiphany or whatever you want to call it. I've pitied myself over my marriage ending and me leaving a financially lucrative, but soul-crushing job...I decided it's time to turn it around and it's only by a higher power and friends and family, that not everybody is blesssed with, that I'm not cold and alone on a street. My struggle this afternoon to max out my credit card to enter a race I really want to do and to get last years Asics Cumulus seems so petty in comparison to what he has to face.

I've supported Back On My Feet, an organization that gives hope and structure to people in need, almost since I started running distance 5 years ago. I'm glad to support them to this day.

I guess tbe point is, whether you think it will help them get a bed or a rock, don't underestimate how much your ear or coin might be enough to make a difference. Don't give up on trying to give.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

This feels backwards

I was asleep by 10:30 last night, new year's eve, and was up at 6:23 this morning, which has allowed me a lot of time to think today. My conclusion, I'm feeling truly, honestly hopeful for the first time in a long time. And this...seems backward. I reflected on last new year when I had a girlfriend that cared for me deeply and would do almost anything to see me happy and I had started a new job in which I was lucky enough to work with one of my favorite people in the world, but I was scared, uncertain and felt lost. However, here I am today, no girlfriend and no real prospect of one and, although I help with the family business, I'm basically unemployed and looking for a career.

Maybe it's the patience and perseverance I gained over the last 12 months, but I'm happier and more open to the possibility of a bright future now that I have a lot to gain, instead of being comfortable in the wrong place having made wrong decisions.

At any rate, I'm happy to be here and ready to accept all the blessings this life has to offer.