Training Thoughts A.D.D and Ohhhh Bubbles

So first I'd be remiss if I didn't say Thank You to the companies that have helped me over the last 5 years...and hopefully the next 5+.

At 5' 10" and 225lbs (on a good day) I realize it's probably my larger than average runner size and ideal 9d shoe size that have gotten me wear tests from New Balance, Brooks, Puma, Saucony and Pearl Izumi, but it's well appreciated all the same.

Also, I've been lucky enough to win some things from Nathan Hydration, Mizuno and Power Balance.

The Active Network has been amazing and the chance to be an Active Ambassador for reGen and Aquaphor helped me meet so many amazing people/athletes.  Also, two years as a member of the Timex Factory Team. There's no better feeling than representing and spreading the word of companies you believe in while doing something you love.

Thanks for the past, present...and God-willing...future support.

Another thought: I've noticed I have a running ego. Never thought I had an ego about anything! However, during this starting over I've noticed that it's been the most difficult, humbling part.  I was never really fast, and certainly aren't now, but I used to be better than this. It makes it difficult and slightly embarrassing.  I know with time I'll get back to where I was and beyond, but patience has always been my Achilles heel.

One more thing.  Why are people so snooty about training?  Can't be a "runner" and lift or can't be serious about lifting and run.  Why can't people just accept that we're lucky to have and use these wonderful bodies as often and in as many ways as possible?

The best part of this experience (endurance training over the last 5 years) has been the challenge to let go of my preconceived notions and thoughts...just trying to keep an open mind and spirit.

Although the tester shoes and gear haven't been bad either!  ;)

Not Your Normal Rest Day

I've been having a rough few weeks. Nothing particular happened. Maybe the dreary Winter days had an impact...or the temp job, that even though I like it, a full-time desk job is different, and weirdly tiring, compared to a run around do multiple things part-time job. Or maybe who knows what, but I've been...not myself, and especially not my new self.

So yesterday I woke up and was just exhausted and sad, but I had it in mind that it was time to get back on track.  Last night I took a rest night, but not the normal kind. This was a rest night from sadness and crappy moods! I hit the weights...hard...and it felt great! The weights hit back and pushed my crappy mood and listlessness  right out of my mind and muscles.  Exercise brings smiles. Exercising brings a sense of accomplishment...and obviously it's hard to be down when you're building yourself up.

I subbed a physical rest day for a mental rest day and I think it's going to help me make it through THIS day and the next day and the next day...

I Christmas'd Myself

It finally happened. I finally checked my ego and accepted I'm going to be staying here longer than I thought. When my ex-wife asked me for a separation in June of 2012 and ultimately a divorce that Aug, my early 30's male brain blew a gasket.  My heart was hurting and I somehow felt really indignant that all I had was my childhood bed and 8ft of garage space at my mom's to call home and try to rebuild. So I did what any rational person would, acted totally irrational.  Got pissy, occasionally threw pity parties( table of 1), I made constant promises to myself like "ok, but it's only going to be 3 months"(it's been over a year) or "just til I get out of debt"(thanks to my hospital visit and subsequent time off work I'm now roughly 4k deeper in), but I just kept trying to stroke my ego and not despise my situation.  What I thought were life plans or goals were really just mental band-aids to something I didn't think I had...an ego.

Ok, soooo now for the cheery part.  As I've harped on in nearly every post, I've changed.  I'm in a good spot...not finished, not where I want to be, but making actual positive steps and not just falsely trying to reassure myself of man/adulthood.  And in that vain I took a step back and realized how lucky I am to have had a roof to come back to or a tiny spot to store my stuff or a mother, who God bless her, was willing to try and be supportive of her son's mental and physical difficulties.

I'm mentally and definitely physically stronger and better prepared than I was a year ago.  I finally realized all this and I realized that if I'm going to follow my plan to really run and bike again, to do races next year...well, I'm going to have to open some baggage.  Not the emotional kind, that's been opened, dumped, sorted, pissed on, set on fire, covered with tears, swept back in the bag, then redumped and resorted.  No, real bags...the garbage kind, as when I "moved" that is what I had on hand after my two suit cases and a duffel were full.  So, I finally went through and found running shorts, pants, shirts I forgot I had or thought I lost and some cycling shorts I spent part of the Summer looking for.  Also found a box of Nathan Hydration( my favorite brand) stuff that I won in a contest or got for volunteering for them a couple of years ago at the PhillyTri.  It was like an endurance Christmas! I'm excited to have it. I'm excited to use some and tuck some away.  And I'm certainly excited to break it out in the Spring, put one foot in front of the other and get back to crossing some finish lines!

Paper or Plastic?

I just pretty much maxed out my one credit card.  However, unlike last year when I did it, this isn't about drinking myself silly in an effort to forget pain or accept my situation.  This time is a celebration!  I registered for The Flying Pig Half Marathon.  It's the only race, without a lottery system, that I've wanted to do since I started running and never got around to. 

I'm so excited for this one!  I have plenty of time to train and I'm looking forward to getting back to my favorite distance.  Also, it's early May so the weather should be decent. 

It feels strange that I'm more worried about affording the travel and the hotel than I am about kicking the crap out of this race!  I'm fully confident that this will be a great experience.  Plus, hopefully, I'll get to add another "I ran in a really dangerous place and didn't get shot" name to the list...Philly, Baltimore, DC, Wilmington...it seems like if it's sketchy and in the Northeast I've run there. 

I've gone through so many positive changes, especially in the last few months, and I'm grateful to have this chance to set a goal and accomplish it.  Also, I'm grateful for the people(some I barely know or only know through social media) that didn't give up on me in the dark times and more especially didn't allow me to give up on myself. 

Can't wait to get that little piggy medal placed around my neck...you know, in 6 months.  Ha!

Hmmm

Change is scary.  Change is frustrating.  Change is exhilarating.  Change is confusing.  Change is necessary.

Sooo, I've been thinking about change.  How the good majority of people try to find a spot where they are comfortable and then try to maintain that, but not athletes.  We aim for change on a daily basis, whether it be an extra five feet on a run or 2 more reps pressed out in a gym.  Constant change and improvement is the goal.

Are we wired different?  More accepting of failure on those rare occasions we just...can't?  Do we have a mental strength that most don't want to try for? 

Yes, maybe and if you're going to be dumb you gotta be tough.

Here's to another chance to try and make those changes positive and huge!

Ego in the Backseat

I've done it!  I finally signed up for another race.  My second of the year.  This might be an accomplishment for some people, but considering I was doing 15-20 races a year for the 3 years before my life went pear-shaped it's really disappointing.

That being said, I'm really excited!  I've done this race before and failed miserably... just a 5-miler and I did 12-something miles. Granted, it's the last weekend in December and my asthma destroys the minimal running ability I do have during Winter.  Going from my normal pace to that was disappointing to say the least.

I had conflicting thoughts about signing up for this.  It's still going to be cold and hilly and maybe slightly snow covered like the last time and that could be setting my ego, and possibly my race outlook for next year, up for a huge let down.  Then I flipped it and applied my new positive attitude.  Yeah it's going to be cold and hilly and maybe slightly snow covered, but I have two months to train, I'm physically stronger than I was last time and what might be most important, I'm mentally stronger.  Ok, maybe not in relation to my running. I have doubts there that haven't surfaced in a long time.  But in general, I'm more positive about life and my abilities to overcome any challenge. 

So, Dec. 29th and that stupid hill at the beginning, and consequently, being an out and back, at the end as well, I'm coming for you. 

Perseverance

I was reminded the other day that anything worth having doesn't come easy.  There will be struggles. There will be setbacks.  The naysayers will come for you.  We just have to stick to our plan and to our guns and we will succeed.  Trying, not even necessarily accomplishing, to reach your goal can be enough to drive us forward toward bigger and better things.  Striving to be the best we can be and make the most out of the gift that is a new day will get us to where we need to be.  Persevere.