Reflections aren't just for ponds and mirrors

Christmas Eve would have been my dad's 66th birthday. He's been dead just over 14 years now and out of my life for another 12ish before that. I visit his grave every year on his birthday and the anniversary of his death in the end of October. I don't remember a whole lot of him, but he cared. There are stories. He was quick to laugh and he was quick to help a friend in need, great electrician and voracious reader. He was also a heavy drinker and would sometimes punctuate talks with my mom with his hands...also, liked gambling...especially the horses, which is why I dislike those majestic animals. In another time he may have been diagnosed a manic depressive or bi-polar, but he wasn't somebody to get help so he was just recognized as a blue collar guy that drank too much, lived life exactly how he wanted and was given a pass sometimes becauses he was a medic in Vietnam and saw things nobody should.

For a long time I didn't know what to make of both sides, but as I grew older I've learned to appreciate and try to forgive. I learned what a man is and what one isn't from him...or the lack of him. I understand that he did the best he could, but some people have a different path that is full of bumps and inner struggles that aren't easy.

Anyway, I hope he's found peace wherever he is and can look down with some sort of pride on who I've become and what I hope to grow into.

I Shall See the Beauty and Run Through It

I got the wonderful news that I was accepted through the lottery and will be running the Credit Union Cherry Blossom 10-Miler in April. I love this race! It will be my third time doing it and I'm so excited. Washington is a great city with such beauty and culture. The race is well-organized with a superb course and supportive volunteers.

Also, I think it's great to have a goal race again. It's no secret I've lost some motivation along the way the last few years and while still running and training it wasn't with the same vigor. So here's to the future and personal growth!

Howdy Howdy Howdy

It's been a few months since I last posted. Life got in the way as it does sometimes. Been looking for a new job and working a few part-time ones in the interim. Also, had a few dates, read some books tried some good brews...mostly just tried to get by.

I've still been training, but mostly weights and gym stuff. I still ran when I wanted to, or as needed for wear tests, and I still biked as I wanted to, or needed to for wear tests, but mostly lots of strength building.

I honestly didn't realize how much running and the confidence that came with it was tied to my marriage. I really just started doing distance races as a way to entertain myself when my ex-wife had roller derby things. It took some serious reflection to realize part of what was making the long runs so hard was that they were drudging up subconscious memories. Well, I've started trying to address that and developing a race plan for next year. Unfortunately, my finances are going to limit race entries and travel, but that's just that much more motivation to make the ones I do count!

Until next time...all the best.

Simple, honest truths

I learned/realized a long time ago I'm not a good runner. A 7:4ish mile mid 5k won't change the world and 9:16 mile mid-half won't either. I did it to prove I could. An overweight, asthmatic, could work toward and conquer what they thought they never could. Ironically, along the way I found many sympathetic friends and a ridiculous amount of running knowledge.

I told my friend the other week I quit. No more running. No mas. I wasn't totally truthful. Since the bug hit me, I can't give it up. I found peace putting one foot in front of the other.

That said, I've gotten back to lifting, my first and most enduring passion. I feel good. I feel fulfilled...at least in one aspect. So you wanna hit a slow few miles holla, but in the meantime I'll be grunting with the basement weights.

Random dribblings #1

I guess there was hope. There wasn't much of anything. An idea? Maybe. Could this be the truth that we were aiming for? Could be lots of things, I suppose, if we played our cards just right. Bluff and retreat. I saw her eyes betray her intentions. That beautiful mouth bent around empty words. Hidden truths. Here is what I'm willing to give. Baby steps of a broken forever. Again and again. One should know better at this point, but one can't help but to hope. Contentment is a foul and contemptuous mistress. A line crossed. 

A Fraud. A Phony.

I had to change the blog name. Felt wrong. Haven't been running much lately. I lost the passion for it. Still working out just not putting the miles the way I used to. Been exploring other passions that I sort of back burnered...reading, movies, music, non-training friends. Just feeling lost lately. Being alone and in a work rut has been wearing on me and I needed a change. Sooo. Same mediocre and barely tolerable writing in less than sparse fashion, but expanded topics.

It was just a hiatus

I did my first half marathon this past Sunday in nearly two years.  It wasn't easy and I was more nervous than I was the first time, but I finished.

I'm more proud of this medal than I am of the first because I knew what I was getting in to and chose to do it anyway.  I have two more half marathons and a 25k coming up in May and am starting to really focus more on the distance than just getting back to running.

It feels good to set a goal and accomplish it...no matter how slowly.

My time may have been pitifully slow, but I know that because I saw it as I crossed the finish line and that's all that matters.  Plus, I got a great start on my Summer farmer's tan!

Thanks to ábloc nutrition for making a great tasting recovery drink.